


Falling

by norseblue



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-12-31
Updated: 1999-12-31
Packaged: 2018-02-19 20:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2402414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norseblue/pseuds/norseblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giles' POV while a member of the gang dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

Buffy is pacing outside the room. She cannot stand that she has no control over what is going on in here. That she killed the vampire who caused this is no consolation to her, or to any of us. She failed at her most sacred duty.

She is the Slayer.

The one girl in all the world, the chosen one, the one born with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires. But she is still just a girl. A girl who could not protect her friends. All the crossbows and holy water and roundhouse kicks in the world cannot stop death.

Death is the one thing the Slayer can't fight.

And the friend she could not protect is lying in a hospital bed.

Buffy can deal with anger and hatred, it is what she was designed to do, but she doesn't know how to face this guilt placed before her. She cannot look at the rest of us. She cannot even face the only soul who could offer her forgiveness; she doesn't want forgiveness.

Willow is next to the hospital bed, weeping silently into her clenched fists. She is paler than I have ever seen her, her only color coming from her normally clear brown eyes, now bloodshot and swollen. She is shuddering from the force of her soundless sobs.

I can tell her heart is breaking

So can Oz. He is standing behind Willow, with his hand on her weakly shaking shoulder, offering all the comfort he can. Even he feels the loss, though not nearly as deeply as the rest of us. He can do nothing to ease the pain, so he just stands next to Willow providing the support that is keeping her from falling completely apart.

Cordelia is not holding up nearly so well. She is sobbing loudly over the form in the bed, her normally perfect make-up now running down her face in dark, liquid streaks. I always knew that underneath her snobbish veneer she cared more than she ever dared admit. She always thought she'd have a chance to admit that, not only to her friends, but to herself. Now she realizes that she has run out of time to make amends.

Angel is standing stoically at the door, close enough to the corridor that his presence can be a comfort to Buffy, but his eyes are fixed on the bed, his foot tapping out the slow heartbeat of the boy lying there.

I am sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the corner. I can't face what is happening across the room, so I look down at my cup. The tea is remarkably bad, so I focus on that. Anything to take my mind off of what I just cannot ignore.

Xander is dying.

* * *

We had been separated in the maze of the sewer system. Angel, Willow, and I were searching desperately for Buffy and Xander.

Then we heard the growl.

The vampire had taken Buffy by surprise, knocking her to the ground, her body splashing the dirty water as the soulless creature viciously kicked her now unconscious form. As the monster was leaning in for the kill Xander had knocked the creature away from Buffy's still figure. The demon had turned towards the boy, but Xander had not flinched, though he was more scared than he had ever been.

Willow and I were following close behind Angel, who had picked up the scent of blood. Buffy's blood. I was disconcerted that Angel recognized Buffy's scent so easily, but that was obscured by the relief I had no right to experience. A Watcher has no place taking solace in that fact that his Slayer is hurt instead of a boy who means nothing in the scheme of things.

Nothing.

Except to me.

The vampire grabbed Xander in a crushing embrace, shattering ribs and puncturing Xander's left lung. He then flung Xander's head back, ripping muscles as he did so, in preparation for the bite.

Angel, Willow, and I arrived just in time to see the demon toss Xander's nearly lifeless form to the street.

Angel had howled in fury and immediately sprung into action, launching himself at the soulless creature, his demon visage revealing his rage. He caught the demon by the throat and expertly broke the creature's neck. Angel had then grabbed the monster and held him in an unbreakable bear hug. The creature was being held firmly in place, but that wouldn't last long.

Even as Angel called for me to finish him, the vampire exploded into a cloud of dust.

The now conscious Slayer stood where the vampire had been, stake in hand.

I never even noticed.

Willow was cradling Xander's head in her lap, as I looked on, speechless.

I watched helplessly as my world fell apart.

* * *

Xander is dying.

I flinch at that thought. It is the first time my conscious mind has admitted the inevitable. The boy--man--that I love is going to die.

Cordelia's bawling grows louder, and Willow is reaching for Xander's hand. The tapping of Angel's foot is growing slower, and I can hear a gurgling in Xander's chest.

My gaze returns to my cup. I do not even realize that I am crying until a single tear breaks the surface of the tea. I react as if I have been burned. I drop my cup, and it falls to the floor, spilling the dark liquid over the linoleum.

No one even notices.

As I hear Xander gasping for breath, I stand and turn toward the wall. I cannot bear to watch.

The only thing I can hear now is the sound of Xander trying to hang onto life, his painful wheezing and gurgling lungs...

And the ever-slowing tattoo Angel is tapping out to the beat of Xander's heart.

Angel's foot stops tapping.

I collapse, knocking my head against the wall as I drop. I don't try to hold on to anything or break my fall. I just allow myself to crumple to the floor, welcoming oblivion.


End file.
